New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
