Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
