i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
