OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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