BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
