and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
