i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
