On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
