when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
