i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
