I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
