were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
