my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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