Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I will be naked everywhere
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
