the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
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