maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
nutella sex= disaster
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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