Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
