Christians are straight up FREAKS
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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