is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize