Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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