So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
