What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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