out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize