I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
