this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
