So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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