I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
