could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
