I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
