Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
