i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
