I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
