2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
