I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
