You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You ruined the universe
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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