dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
