We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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