so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize