She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
