I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Two words: nipple clamps
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