i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
