Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
