im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
