guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
