I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
