woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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