Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize