I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
