we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
is it fun? or sober?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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