So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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