there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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