so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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