Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
