are you still at the devil's house?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want her autograph on my taint
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize