wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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