First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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