are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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