I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im holly from the hills drunk
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
