Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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