So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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