I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
