I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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