Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
