Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Let's get the cat blown out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
