what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
