He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
