wat bout pragnant strippers??
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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