Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
