So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
