Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
