What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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