I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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